By Robert Rixman
St. Xavier High School
Louisville, Kentucky

I stared at the pale ceiling, as I always do when I try to sleep, and thought of whait I could have done to stop all this from happening. All the pain that I could have erased from existence, if only I had known when not to keep a secret.

Six months earlier sleep came easy. I was a sophomore at Mayfield High. My best friend, Joseph Hatchet, and I were headed to math class. Lately he had been acting differently.

“Get out to the way, wide load!” yelled Curt Spalding, the so-called “bully” of Mayfield High. He had made fun of Joseph’s weight problem since grade school. Joseph quickened his pace and stared at the ground. BAM! He ran straight into Principal Wood. Joseph dropped all of his books, and the kids nearby began to laugh. Laughing the hardest, of course was Curt. Principal Wood, giving Joseph a menacing glare, walked away. I bent down to help Joseph with his books, but Curt kicked them away and laughed.

“I swear, I am going to kill him,” Joseph whispered. “I wish he was dead!” I didn’t even think twice about what Joseph said. A lot of people say things like that, so I just helped him with his books, and we hurried to class.

That was not the last time Curt had embarrassed Joseph. A few weeks later, Joseph was giving a speech in English. Speaking in front of people was a problem for Joseph. He made it through the opening of his speech fine, but he had trouble during the closing and began to stutter.

“S-S-Spit it out,” said Curt mockingly. Joseph couldn’t get out another word and he just sat down. “What a fat baby,” Curt continued in a low whisper.

Joseph turned to me, about ready to cry, and whispered, “I am going to kill him!” This time I thought about what he had said for a moment. I wondered if he was serious. Again, though, I forgot about it.

Events like these followed. Day after day, Curt and his friends continued to point out Joseph’s faults. Once in a fury, Joseph screamed, “Shut up!” Curt just punched him on the arm and Joseph walked away, tears welling up in his eyes.

“I swear to God, I am going to kill him,” Joseph swore to me. “I will end his freakin’ life!” He had so much anger in his voice. While waiting for our ride after school, he said, “My dad has a gun…” and trailed off. His hands were shaking. I felt so uneasy sitting beside him.
Curt was taking things too far. I felt scared every time he was near Joseph. Joseph was about to snap. He had stopped eating, he was pale and quiet, and he didn’t speak much. I was worried.

The next day I decided I must tell someone. I was waiting in the front office, gathering my thoughts. “Can I help you, Kyle?”
“Uh, y-yes,” I answered. “I-uh think that…” I thought about all the times that Joseph and I had hung out together. It would all be ruined if it turned out he wouldn’t have done anything. So I made the biggest mistake of my life. “Never mind,” I said and walked out to meet Joseph at his locker.

He wasn’t there, so I decided to wait.

BAM! At that moment I felt like I had just swallowed paper, my head was spinning, and I had the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. BMA! The sound of a second gun shot. I tried to move, but I couldn’t. I knew exactly what was going on. I slowly walked around the corner.

It was chaos. Everyone was screaming and running away. I looked at Joseph. He was crying, and in his right hand was a smoking gun. His hand was trembling. He fell to his knees. On the ground lay Curt’s dead body. Joseph just stared at me. Tears rolled down his face. Then he raised the gun. I wanted to run, but I was frozen. I was sweating, but I just couldn’t move. He pointed the gun at me, but then pointed it at his head. BAM!

I still hear the sound of the gun echo in my mind and see Joseph’s body falling to the ground. I stare at the ceiling. I can feel my pulse pump through my body. Gray passes over me, and I full into the unforgiving silence of uneasy sleep.